So I Watched Skelter Heaven...

It's a sobering experience.

I'm staring at the Top 50 Worst Rated Anime List on ANN, trying to comprehend what brought me to this moment in my life. Did something go wrong? Did I make some grave mistake and ultimately doom myself?

I realize with abject horror that the show proudly holding the #1 spot among all these heinous creations is an anime I've already seen. I've already suffered through Mars of Destruction once, but that's the end of it, right?

There's no more?

Hah. So naive.

One spot below, I see it. Skelter Heaven.

Apparently creating the abomination that was Mars of Destruction wasn't enough to sate the twisted appetite of Idea Factory (a company that, ironically, makes some of my favorite waifu/husbando games), so here we have another OVA to endure.

Thankfully, much like Hametsu no Mars, it's mercifully short. Barely gracing the 19-minute mark, this brief anime still manages to feel like a fever dream marathon of bizarre editing, poor animation and utter nonsense.

I'm not even sure how to describe the plot? As far as I can tell, this is actually based on a game, and the opening sequence suggests as much too. Several girls with 'Skelter' abilities hop into their crappy CG mechs, turn into PS1 models for a hot minute, and pursue some massive skin-coloured Christmas tree monster that's less Evangelion nightmare fuel and more like a cookie dough bootleg.

Much like in Mars, several of the girls die (though less brutally, spoiler alert), but ultimately the main guy(?) and his favorite waifu fight together to the end. I think it's the end. I'm not entirely sure what happened, suddenly we were transported inside the creature and there was some glowing ball of light and then, presumably, they failed?


Head boss in charge laid off the main dude, waifu-chan possibly perished, then we cut forward to the future and see that the monster is back and he brought friends this time. Moral of the story, appreciate your workers more? Is that what they were trying to say?

To be honest, I'm not even sure if the main character survived. I'm not even sure he was the main character. Actually, for much of this anime, I was less focused on the story(?) and more fixated on the glaringly bad design of it all. The show will abruptly cut between scenes, or insert imagery for the briefest second, not in any stylistic way, rather just in a manner that makes my neck hurt. Beyond that, the animation is expectedly bad, though I can at least say the voice acting seems alright. Could be worse.

It could always be worse...

Apparently I've seen the worst, but whether I'll ever have the gall to review it is something time can only tell. For now, I guess all I can say is you've been warned. Sure, you can watch Skelter Heaven if you're so inclined. It's only 19 minutes of your life, right?

Still. You've been warned.


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