Distaste

Distaste

“You hate me. You've always hated me”


The chains were starting to burn your wrists.

Historia was painfully short, and yet from this perspective she seemed gargantuan. You were on your knees before her in this vast, crystallized cave, both arms held up and bound.


Why she had taken you here, you didn't know. Ever since you and the others among the Survey Corps members had discovered her true identity, she had seemed a lot more hollow and vacant than before. It was unsettling, for this once bright and chipper girl to show her true colors.


What sort of a 'goddess' couldn't even muster a smile? Her face was still pretty but her blue eyes were lifeless and frightening as they looked down at you, and she spoke that way.


“Haven't you?”

“I...I don't know what you want me to say, Historia...” you groaned, already feeling the strain on your limbs, “Please I...I have no idea what's going on...”


“You hated me-” she just continued, pacing back and forth on the elevated rock you were both situated upon, “-right from the very beginning. I tried so hard to figure out why. Everyone else seemed to like me except for you. And all this time...”

She looked over.

“You've been the only one I wanted any attention from.”


You grimaced a little, and glanced down. Okay, sure. Historia had always slightly...irritated you. She built up a habit of finding excuses to follow you around and talk to you, like some sort of needy toddler. It wasn't like she wasn't attractive...she was just very plain. What drew you in was the fire of people like Annie or Mikasa, the passion of Hanji and her Titan obsession, even Sasha had an energy to her that made her stand out.


Besides...you'd figured Historia had a thing for Ymir. It always seemed weird that she was latched onto you like that.

Now you realized why.


“I just wanted you to notice me. To show me some kind of affection. To explain to me why you were being so standoffish...”

She tilted her head just a little too far to the side.

“It's not...fair. It's not fair.” she paced a little more frantically now, “After everything I've done...you just keep on pushing me further and further from you...it's like I can't do anything to keep you happy with me.”


So you tie me up to force it all??


“Historia...doing this...this is the furthest thing from making me happy--” you grunted again. Even though you weren't even doing anything except hanging there a little, your muscles were working overtime, and you felt weaker than you ever had before in your life. It was like being in the clutches of an actual Titan...and perhaps that wasn't too far off...


“Oh no, [Y/N]. You're mistaken.”

Historia was looming over you again. Her big blue eyes seemed to glow within the shadow that had fallen upon her brow.

“I'm not worried about making you happy anymore. No...I think it's going to be a lot easier if I just eat you here and consider that the end of it.”


It took a moment for you to register what she meant by that. Then, it slowly began to dawn on you, and as it gradually did, you turned paler, and paler, your jaw slackening, and your eyes beginning to bulge.


Eat me?

No way.


“Th-that's a really cruel joke, Historia.” you basically choked out, but she looked quite serious about it. She glanced down at one of her small, pale skinned hands, staring at the back of it.


“I'm afraid I'm not joking, [Y/N]. Why would I be? I think it's far more of a joke if I let things carry on this way. If I let you keep on breaking my heart after getting my hopes up...”


What the fuck is she talking about!? What hopes!?

“...So this is where it's going to end for you. Don't worry...I won't make it painful. I just want you to be gone. Please understand.”


“Historia...HISTORIA! HISTORIA WAIT!! DON'T DO THIS!!!”

She started to part her teeth around her knuckle.

“DON'T! DON'T DO THIS TO ME!!”

You watched with increased horror as they began to dig lightly into her skin, and braced yourself.


If you even survived the explosion of her transforming, what exactly would you see?

You were sorry for ever calling her plain. She was far too beautiful to become a monster like that.


However, nothing came.

Daring to open your cringing eyes again, you felt something splatter onto your nose. Startled, you look up at her, and noticed something.


She was crying. No, she wasn't merely crying, she was outright weeping. Salty water came streaming down her cheeks from already reddened eyes, as she hiccuped and tried stifling her sobs against her palm this time. Her eyes flickered down to you sorrowfully, and she slowly shook her head as she pulled her hand away again.


“I...I can't. I can't do that to you...”


Sniffing, Historia suddenly cried loudly, wailing as her knees buckled and she dropped down before you. As you were so used to, you were looking down on her again. Her body quivered before you, and wouldn't stop shaking while she kept her face burrowed in her hands.


“Ngh---! I-I'm such a monster!”

“...H...Historia...”

“I would have killed you!? I can't believe it myself-!” she suddenly pulled her face up, not minding that she was a mess while she looked at you, “I love you so much...of course I don't want you to die! Because then I'd never see you again!”


“Th-that's right...” you had to play your cards right here, “-You never would. And...I'll surely die if you keep me chained up like this too...so...so let's just talk it out normally, okay? Back at the dorms?”

“I...I can't go back, you'll tell everyone about what I tried to do to you...” she shook her head again, but you did the same,

“-NO, I promise, I won't.” you stated ever so firmly.


Her eyes widened a bit, as she bought it. Her expression started to soften into one of near delirious relief, and her hands made their way up to cup your cheeks. No warning was given. Her flushing face zoomed in and suddenly her plush little lips were upon yours.


Such an abrupt kiss left you stiff, like you needed some sort of command input. Yet the look on her face when she pulled back was one of delusion.

She thought that you loved her.


Well...you never hated her.

Not before.


But now she'd given you good reason to.